me first

I was *relatively* calm until the nurse said, "You need to go to the emergency room"
My first thought was, do you know how many of those there are in the city which one would I go to, so I asked her if I could go to the one connected to the hospital my OB is in, and of course that was fine (never mind that that hospital is not exactly the closest ER- it took 40 minutes to get there). My second thought was, this is going to ruin everyone's day.

To save you the worrying, everything is fine. And I didn't have to go to the ER- the nurse called back and said that since I had experienced this problem prior to pregnancy and to a stronger degree, they would check me over in the OB's office. THAT was a relief.

It got me to thinking though. Remember that woman who fell while skiing on the bunny slopes, and was like, no no, don't worry I'm fine all the way up until she died? I read an article after that talking about how people, women especially, tend to think about everyone else first.

I thought back to times in my life when my pride or concern for others delayed or prevented my saying anything about something. Like the time I was running after a soccer ball in a yard (the last minutes of play before it was too dark to continue) and bashed up my shin on an unseen, low laying stone wall. Sure there was blood running down my leg. I laughed it off and walked -not limped- the few blocks home. I called to my mom for her to stay in the kitchen (she faints at the sign of blood) and asked for my dad (Marine with no problems concerning blood).

Or the time I sprained my ankle something awful in PE but didn't want to be pulled out of school because I had actually studied for a biology test AND didn't want to miss out on the mother daughter date mom and I had planned that night. The doctors were pretty miffed when I finally did go in since I should have been on crutches immediately.

Or the time I had two days of extreme vertigo every time I moved my head even just a little but didn't want to miss the special class the AF had sent me to and didn't go to sick call until the third day- and that only because my classmates insisted.

OR the first time that this thing today happened, when I didn't mention it to anyone for a while because I convinced myself I was imagining it and I didn't want to cause trouble.

That's just examples in my own life. The article I read mentioned that this was not uncommon, especially for women.

While I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with this particular...fault... I wonder, are we programmed some how to see it as a weakness, to put others first, and/or to doubt the existence of whatever ails us?

I made the call today because I am pregnant and another life is dependent on my well being.
Hopefully in the future I will make the call because I want to take care of me, first.